I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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