dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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