If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
