his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
