im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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