I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
