THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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