Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
