people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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