she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I just want to make out with him forever
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
