i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
