True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
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