OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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