i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
