i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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