i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
