I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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