you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
hell yes lets make some ravioli
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
