I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
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