dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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