so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Randomize
