thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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