I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
