actually, I'm a sock model
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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