There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
