I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
