actually, I'm a sock model
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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