So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
