"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I wear drunk well.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
