Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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