I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
