After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
