Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Randomize
