In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
