11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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