There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
the raccoons are back...
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