I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
