At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
