actually, I'm a sock model
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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