if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
My life is pants optional.
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