At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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