This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
there is glitter all over my balls
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
