I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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