Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
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Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
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I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
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