I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
