My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
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