In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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