I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
