Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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