it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
