Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
