I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
