I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
