Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
