There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
